A Vicar and Colin Golfing

A Vicar and his friend, Colin were playing golf. Colin misses a 3 foot putt and yells, "Goddamn it, missed the bugger!" and the vicar says, "If you keep saying that then God will punish you." Next hole Colin misses a 2 foot putt and says "Goddamn it, missed the bugger!" and the vicar says, "ONE more time Colin, and God will punish you!" Then Colin misses a one foot putt and "GOD DAMN IT!!! MISSED THE BUGGER!" Suddenly clouds form overhead. God comes down from Heaven and strikes the Vicar dead with a bolt of thunder. God says, "Goddamn it! Missed the bugger!"

God Grants Three Wishes

After praying nonstop for eight years, God finally decided to grant a man three wishes. "I wish for the coolest cars in the universe." "Done." "I wish for the most luxurious mansion in the universe." "Done." "And I wish for the best woman in the world." So God sent him Mother Theresa.

Lightning Just Struck

As Bill was approaching mid-life, physically he was a mess. Not only was he going bald, but years of office work had given him a large pot belly. The last straw came when he asked a woman co-worker out on a date, and she all but laughed at him. That does it, he decided. I'm going to start a whole new regimen. He began attending aerobics classes. He started working out with weights. He changed his diet. And he got an expensive hair transplant. In six months, he was a different man. Again, he asked his female co-worker out, and this time she accepted. There he was, all dressed up for the date, looking better than he ever had. He stood poised to ring the woman's doorbell, when a bolt of lightning struck him and knocked him off his feet. As he lay there dying, he turned his eyes toward the heavens and said, "Why, God, why now? After all I've been through, how could you do this to me?" From up above, there came a voice, "Sorry. I didn't not recognize you."