God Grants Three Wishes

After praying nonstop for eight years, God finally decided to grant a man three wishes. "I wish for the coolest cars in the universe." "Done." "I wish for the most luxurious mansion in the universe." "Done." "And I wish for the best woman in the world." So God sent him Mother Theresa.

Lightning Just Struck

As Bill was approaching mid-life, physically he was a mess. Not only was he going bald, but years of office work had given him a large pot belly. The last straw came when he asked a woman co-worker out on a date, and she all but laughed at him. That does it, he decided. I'm going to start a whole new regimen. He began attending aerobics classes. He started working out with weights. He changed his diet. And he got an expensive hair transplant. In six months, he was a different man. Again, he asked his female co-worker out, and this time she accepted. There he was, all dressed up for the date, looking better than he ever had. He stood poised to ring the woman's doorbell, when a bolt of lightning struck him and knocked him off his feet. As he lay there dying, he turned his eyes toward the heavens and said, "Why, God, why now? After all I've been through, how could you do this to me?" From up above, there came a voice, "Sorry. I didn't not recognize you." 

God Made Woman and Man

God created earth, and it was good. Then God created woman, and it was better. Then, one day, Eve said, "God, I'm bored what can you do for me?" And God said in response, "I'll tell you what, I'll make you a man, he'll cook, clean, be nice, sensitive, sweet, and even open doors for you. He'll be every thing you ever wanted in a man. But you have to do one thing," Eve asked curiously, "What?" God said, "You have to get him to believe that I made him first."