Orange Split

Two little boys stole a big bag of oranges from a neighbor's tree. They decided to go to a nearby cemetery to share the loot equally. As they were jumping over the gate to enter the cemetery, two oranges fell but they didn't bother to pick them since they had plenty more in the bag.
A few minutes later, a drunkard on his way from a bar passed near the cemetery gate and heard a voice saying, "One for me, one for you. One for me, one for you. One for me, one for you." He immediately sobered up and ran as fast as he could to a nearby church for the priest. " Father, please come with me. Come and witness God and Satan sharing souls at the cemetery." They both ran back to the cemetery gate and again heard the voice. "One for me, one for you. One for me, one for you. One for me, one for you."
Suddenly, the voice stopped counting and said: "What about the two at the gate?"

Satan Talk

Two boys walk home from Sunday school after hearing a powerful sermon on the devil. One boy says, "I'm really scared about all this Satan stuff." The other boy replies, "Don't worry. You know how Santa Claus turned out. It's probably just your dad again."

History of Lawyers

Why God Created Lawyers.  Satan was complaining bitterly to God, "You made the world so that it was not fair, and you made it so that most people would have to struggle every day, fight against their innate wishes and desires, and deal with all sorts of losses, grief, disasters, and catastrophes. Yet people worship and adore you. People fight, get arrested, and cheat each other, and I get blamed, even when it is not my fault. Sure, I'm evil, but give me a break. Can't you do something to make them stop blaming me?" And so God created lawyers.