Amazon Missionary

A missionary is sent to the Amazon forest to spread the word of the Lord to the isolated tribes who are completely unaware of the outside world. He spends years learning the local language and translating scripture. One day, he addresses the village who has gathered to hear him speak. "My friends, humanity has sinned. You must accept God's love or be sent to the underworld and tormented with hellfire forever."
An old tribesman looks up at the missionary and asks him: "If we didn't know about God and sins, would we still be cast into hell?" "Of course not." the holy man tells him.
"Then why the fuck did you tell us?"

Bills Choice in Afterlife

Bill Gates goes to purgatory. St. Peter says, "Now Bill, you have done some good things, and you have done some bad things. Now I am going to let you decide where you want to go". First, St. Peter shows Bill an image of Hell with beautiful women running on beaches. Then, St Peter shows Bill an image of Heaven with robed angels playing harps on clouds. Bill chooses Hell. About a week later, St. Peter checks in on Bill in Hell and finds him being whipped by demons. Bill says to St. Peter, "What happened to all the beautiful women and the beaches?" St. Peter replies, "That was just the screen saver."

What Was Your Daddy?

Three guys die and go to Hell. Satan asks the first guy, "What was your daddy when you were alive?" "He was a candle maker." So, Satan burns off the guy's d**k. Satan asks the second guy, "What was your daddy when you were alive?" "He was a rope maker." So, Satan rips off the guy's d**k with a rope. Satan asks the third guy, "What was your daddy when you were alive?" The guy smiles and says, "He made lollipops."