Insulting In Church

How to be insulting in church: Sing out of tune in all the hymns and try singing half a line behind everyone else.

Cannibal Got a Religion

Q: What happened when the cannibal got a religion?
A: He only ate Catholics on Fridays!

Lemon Pennance

A guy goes into the church confessional and says, “Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. I slept with five different women last night.” The priest says, “Go home, squeeze five lemons into a glass, and drink it all as fast as you can.” “And I will be forgiven?” asks the man. “No,” the priest says, “but it will wipe that smirk off your face.”