Blondes in Tanning Salon

One day two blondes walked into a tanning salon. One blonde said, " A tan for 2 please!" The cashier said, "Okay," she filled out a form for them and asked, "are you two sisters?" They chuckled and replied, " No, we aren't even Catholic."

Confession

A man goes to his local church to confess...
Man: Father, I have sinned.
Priest: And how how have you sinned?
Man: I have stolen someone's bike, and am now here to give it to you.
Priest: No, no - don't give it to me, return it to the person you have stolen it from and you shall be forgiven.
Man: I did that, but he said he didn't want it.
Priest: In that case, you may keep the bike for yourself.
The man leaves, and after the day is over, the priest comes out of the church to find his bike missing.

St. Louis Cardinals

He's so dumb, he thinks the St. Louis Cardinals are appointed by the Pope.