Lord's Prayer Edits

During a Papal audience, a business man approached the Pope and made this offer: Change the last line of the Lord's prayer from "Give us this day our daily bread" to "Give us this day our daily chicken," and Kentucky Fried Chicken will donate $10,000,000 to Catholic charities. The Pope declined. Two weeks later, the man approached the Pope again - this time with a $50,000,000 offer. Again, the Pope declined. A month later, the man upped the price to $100,000,000, and this time the Pope accepted. At a meeting of the Cardinals, the Pope announced his decision in the good news/bad news format. "The good news is: We have $100,000,000 for charities. The bad news: We lost the Wonder Bread account."

Pope Buying New Car

The Pope walked into a car dealership one day to buy a car. A young salesman came out just as soon as the Pope walked onto the lot. ''Hello, can I help you?'' ''Yes, I'm looking for a car to drive to the Vatican.'' ''We have a wide selection, as you can see. As soon as you find one you like, come get me.'' So the Pope looked around and found a really nice sports car. The Pope didn't have his checkbook, so he said he would come back the next day to buy the car. The next day he came back and the car had pieces cut out all over the place. ''What did you do to my car?!'' the Pope yelled. ''I was just trying to make it holy for you.''

Insulting In Church

How to be insulting in church: Sing out of tune in all the hymns and try singing half a line behind everyone else.