Squirrel Infestation

There were four county churches in a small Arkansas town: The Presbyterian Church, the Baptist Church, the Methodist Church and the Catholic Church. Each church was overrun with pesky squirrels. One day, the Presbyterian Church called a meeting to decide what to do about the squirrels. After much prayer and consideration they determined that the squirrels were predestined to be there and they shouldn't interfere with God's divine will.
In the Baptist Church the squirrels had taken up habitation in the baptistery. The deacons met and decided to put a large plywood cover on the baptistery and flood it. The squirrels escaped somehow and there were twice as many there the next week.
The Catholic group got together and decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God's creation. So, they humanely trapped the squirrels and set them free a few miles outside of town. Three days later, the squirrels were back.
But, the Methodist Church came up with the best and most effective solution. They baptized the squirrels and registered them as members of the church. Now they only see them on Christmas and Easter.

Summer Bible Salesman

Three boys look for a summer job. Their preacher agrees to let them sell Bibles door to door, though he's hesitant about hiring the third boy because he suffers from a speech impediment. After the first week of work they all meet at the church. The preacher asks the boys, "How many Bibles did you sell?" The first boy says, "35." The second boy says, "75." The boy with the speech impediment says, "I-I-I s-s-sold 175." The preacher is amazed and asks the boy how he did it. The boy says, "I-I-I t-t-told them to b-b-buy t-t-them, or I'd r-r-read it to t-t-them."

Chemist's Fast Prayer

Chemist's fast prayer: Dear Lord, if I mix sodium with concentrated HNO3, and add to it Plutonium, would you take care of me?