Confession

A man goes to his local church to confess...
Man: Father, I have sinned.
Priest: And how how have you sinned?
Man: I have stolen someone's bike, and am now here to give it to you.
Priest: No, no - don't give it to me, return it to the person you have stolen it from and you shall be forgiven.
Man: I did that, but he said he didn't want it.
Priest: In that case, you may keep the bike for yourself.
The man leaves, and after the day is over, the priest comes out of the church to find his bike missing.

Aroma TV

My Jewish girlfriend got mad when I let out a fart while watching TV. I said, honey, a little gas never hurt anyone.

Cannibal Food

Two cannibals meet one day. The first cannibal says, "You know, I just can't seem to get a tender missionary. I've baked 'em, I've roasted 'em, I've stewed 'em, I've barbequed 'em, I've even tried every sort of marinade. I just cannot seem to get them tender." The second cannibal asks, "What kind of missionary do you use?" The other replied, "You know, the ones that hang out at that place at the bend of the river. They have those brown cloaks with a rope around the waist and their sort of bald on top with a funny ring of hair on their heads." "Ah ha!" he replies. "No wonder.. those are friars!"