Have You Been Drinking?

A Lutheran minister is driving down to New York to see the radio show and he's stopped in Connecticut for speeding. The state trooper smells alcohol on his breath and then he sees an empty wine bottle on the floor, and he says, "Sir, have you been drinking?" And the minister says, "Just water." The sheriff says, "Then why do I smell wine?" And the minister looks down at the bottle and says, "Good Lord, He's done it again!"

Priorities

Three guys go into a bar, one in a wheelchair, one is blind and the other appears normal. A couple of minutes later, God walks in to get a beer. He sees the guys and decides to have compassion on them. He touches the blind guy on the forehead, and his sight is restored. He touches the man in the wheelchair and the guy jumps up and walks away. He walks to the last guy and the guy yells, 'Whoa, God! I'm on workman's comp!'

Lesson In Liars

A Sunday school teacher was giving her class the assignment for the next week. "Next Sunday," she said, "we are going to talk about liars, and in preparation for the lesson, I want you all to read the Seventeenth Chapter of Mark." The following week at the beginning of the class, the teacher said, "Now all who have prepared for today's lesson by reading the Seventeenth Chapter of Mark, please come to the front." Half the class stood up and came forward. "The rest of you may leave," said the teacher, "these students are the ones I want to talk speak to. There is no Seventeenth Chapter in the Book of Mark!"