Retired

An old retired man goes to his wife one day, and says to her, "I don't know how to tell you this dear, but the stock market crashed, and I'm afraid we're broke."
The wife says, "No, we're not. Let's go for a drive into town."
Husband replies, "Our savings are all gone and you want is to go for a drive? Oh well, whatever. I guess you're crazier than me." So off they go into town.
When they get there the wife points and says, "See that office building? We own that." Husband thinks his wife is nuts so he mumbles something unintelligible and drives to the next area of the city, which just happens to be the richest part of town.
Wife says again pointing, "See those five houses? We own those."
Husband is now sure his wife is certifiably crazy so he says, "What makes you think we own all this property?"
Wife replies, "Remember when we first got married and for jokes you would give me $5.00 every time we had sex? Well, I kept the money and invested it and 20 years later this is what has become of it all. Not bad, eh?"
Husband says, "Dammit woman, if I'd known you were this good with money I'd have probably given you all my business."

Jealous, Honey?

Not that my wife's the jealous type or anything, but one day at work, I had taken this temp who was filling in for my secretary to lunch in gratitude for an outstanding job on a very difficult project. As luck would have it, there was my wife waiting in the office for my return. The temp, who was truly a ravishing beauty said, "Oh, Mrs. Moore, I'm so happy to meet you. I'm your husband's new secretary."
Within a single heart beat my wife quietly intoned, "OH? Really? Were you???"

Memories

An old man is sitting on the park bench crying. Another old man sits down next to him and says, "Hey buddy, what's the problem?"
The old man wipes the tears from his eyes and explains, "I've got this beautiful, 35 year old wife, and all she wants to do is make love from the moment I walk in the door till the moment we go to sleep and then when we wake up again."
"So, what the hell is the problem?"
"You don't understand... I forgot where I live!"