Too Much Celebrating

The couple was dining out when the wife noticed a familiar face at the bar. "Elliot," she said, pointing, "do you see that man downing bourbon at the bar?"
The husband looked over and nodded. "Well," the woman continued, "he's been drinking like that for 10 years, ever since I jilted him!"
The husband returned to his meal. "Nonsense," he said, "even that's not worth so much celebrating!"

What a Woman Really Needs

A couple was having some trouble, so they did the right thing and went to a marriage counselor. After a few visits, and a lot of questioning and listening, the counselor said that he had discovered the main problem. He stood up, went over to the woman, asked her to stand,and gave her a hug. He looked at the man and said, "This is what your wife needs, at least once a day!" The man frowned, thought for a moment, then said, "Ok, what time do you want me to bring her back tomorrow?"

Virginia Crazy Law

• Children are not to go trick-or-treating on Halloween.
• It is illegal to tickle women.
• Driving while not wearing shoes is prohibited.
• (Repealed) You may not work on Sunday.
• (Repealed) Citizens must honk their horn while passing other cars.
• It is illegal to spit on sidewalk.
• There is a state law prohibiting "corrupt practices of bribery by any person other than candidates."
• Police radar detectors are illegal.
• It is illegal to sell peanut brittle on Sundays.
• (Repealed) You cannot sell lettuce on Sunday, but you can sell beer, wine etc.
• (Repealed) You cannot buy hardware of any kind on Sunday.
• (Passed in 1975, repealed in 1977) No one may wash a mule on the sidewalk.
• A person of color may not be oustide or within the city limits after 7 pm.
• It is illegal to kick your wife out of bed.
• Women must wear a corset after sundown and be in the company of male chaperon.
• A man may face 60 days in jail for patting a woman's derriere.
• Spitting on a sea gull is not tolerated.
• It is illegal to flip a coin in a restaurant to see who pays for a coffee.
• It is legal for a man to beat his wife on the courthouse steps so long as it is before 8:00 pm.
• It is illegal to skate down the sidewalk of Main Street.
• It is unlawful to drive by the same place within 30 minutes on Atlantic Avenue.
• If you are drunk and not driving your car, and the person who is driving the car is drunk as well, you may both receive DUI's.
• It is illegal to use profanity on Atlantic Avenue or the boardwalk.
• It is illegal for a person to ride on the handlebars of a bike.
• It is illegal for a woman to drive a car up Main Street unless her husband is walking in front of the car waving a red flag.