What Is A Breathalyzer?

"Shhaaayyy, buddy, what's a 'Breathalyzer'?" asked one drunk to his friend at the next barstool."Well, I'd have to say it's a bag that tells you when you've drank way too much," answered the equally wasted gent. "Ah hell, whaddya know? I've been married to one of those for years and years now!"

A Wife Defined

Wife: The perfect acquisition for any gentleman feeling himself to have excessive control over his personal affairs.

The Life Of The Party

The couple were leaving the cocktail party, where the husband, slightly flushed, had been the life of the party.
"John," she said, "did anyone ever tell you how fascinating, how romantic, and how handsome you are?"
"No," the man replied happily, looking at his wife, "I don't think anyone ever did?"
"Well," she snapped, "then where did you ever get the idea!!!"