Highway To Understanding

One day a man was walking along the beach when he found a bottle, when he opened it up a genie popped out. The genie said he could have one wish. The man thought about it a while then told the man that he was afraid of heights and got sea sick, but really wanted to go to Hawaii so he asked the genie to make a highway to Hawaii. "I don't know said the genie" that is really difficult. Do you have another request?" "Well, I really want to know all about women, you know, how they tick and why their the way they are!" The genie replied "Will that be two lanes or four?"

Men Advising Women

Advice From Men To Women...

• Never buy a 'new' brand of beer because 'it was on sale.'
• If we're in the backyard and the TV in the den is on, that doesn't mean we're not watching it.
• Don't tell anyone we can't afford a new car. Tell them we don't want one.
• Whenever possible please try to say whatever you have to say during commercials.

Please don't drive when you're not driving.
Don't feel compelled to tell us how all the people in your stories are related to one another: We're just nodding, waiting for the punchline.
The quarterback who just got pummeled isn't trying to be brave. He's just not crying. Big difference!
When the waiter asks if everything's okay, a simple 'Yes' is fine.

Frog in a Box

A young guy walks into a bar. An old drunk sits with a shoe box on the stool next to him. The guy asks, "What's in the box?" The older guy says matter-of-factly, "A South American Blow Job Toad." The young guy looks around. "Can I try it?" The older guy nods. The young guy goes to the men's room and returns 20 minutes later. "That was amazing," he says, "You've got to sell it to me." The old drunk concedes to sell the toad for a hefty sum. The happy young man struts home and meets his wife at the door. "Where the hell have you been? What's in the box?" she demands. "South American Blow Job Toad." "So?" asks the wife. "So, teach it to cook and get the f**k out."