Relationship Jokes - Man Criticizes Woman

Observations of Women

Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult:
Charlotte Whitton: "Guys are like dogs. They keep coming back. Ladies are like cats. Yell at a cat one time...they're gone."
Lenny Bruce: "I love women. They're the best thing ever created. If they want to be like men and come down to our level, that's fine."
Mel Gibson: "I wonder why it is, that young men are always cautioned against bad girls. Anyone can handle a bad girl. It's the good girls men should be warned against."
David Niven: "One of the most difficult things in the world is to convince a woman that even a bargain costs money."
Edgar Watson: "Howe Brigands demand your money or your life, women require both."

Categories: One-Liner Jokes , Relationship Jokes (Woman Criticizes Man) , Relationship Jokes (Man Criticizes Woman)
Copyright © 2013 - All Rights Reserved - Used with Permission.
Anonymous

Teeth

A young boy caught sight of his mother changing one day, and asked her what that was that she had between her legs. "That is something you're never going to talk about again. And you shouldn't touch it either, because it has teeth." Many years went by, and the boy never touched any girl in between her legs, because he was very scared. One day, however, he met the love of his life and, in time, they got married. On their wedding night, his wife asked him to touch her there. "No," he said, "it's got teeth." "Silly goose!" she said. She spread her legs wide for him to see. "See? No teeth!" "Well, I'm not surprised," the man said. "Not with gums like that."

Categories: Sex Jokes (Private Parts) , Relationship Jokes (Man Criticizes Woman) , Relationship Jokes (Marriage Jokes) , Funny Thoughts , Jokes about Families (Son Jokes) , Jokes about Families (Mother Jokes)
Anonymous

The Perfect Woman Would Say

The Perfect Woman would say:
1. I'll swallow it all . . . I love the taste.
2. Are you sure you've had enough to drink?
3. I'm bored. Let's shave my pussy!
4. Oh come on, what do ya say we get a good porno movie, a case of beer, a few joints, and have my friend Tammy over for a threesome!
5. God..if I don't get to blow you soon, I swear I'm gonna bust!
6. I know it's a lot tighter back there but would you please try again?
7. You're so sexy when you're hungover.
8. I'd rather watch football and drink beer with you than go shopping.
9. Let's subscribe to Hustler.
10. Would you like to watch me go down on my girlfriend?
11. Say, let's go down to the mall so you can check out women's asses.
12. I'll be out painting the house.
13. I love it when you play golf on Sunday's, I just wish you had time to play on Saturday too.
14. Honey..our new neighbor's daughter is sunbathing again, come see!
15. I've decided to stop wearing clothes around the house.
16. No, No, I'll take the car to have the oil changed.
17. Your mother did a great job raising you.
18. Do me a favor, forget the stupid Valentine's day thing and buy yourself new clubs.
19. I understand fully...our anniversary comes every year. You go hunting with the guys, it's a wonderful stress reliever.
20. Shouldn't you be down at the bar with your buddies?
21. Not the fucking mall again, come on let's go to that new strip joint!
22. Listen, I make enough money for the both of us, why don't you retire and get that nagging handicap down to 7 or8.
23. You need your sleep ya big silly, now stop getting up for the night feedings.
24. That was a great fart! Do another one!
25. I signed up for yoga so that I can get my ankles behind my head for ya...
 

Categories: Relationship Jokes (Man Criticizes Woman)
Copyright © 2013 - All Rights Reserved - Used with Permission.
Anonymous
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