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Relationship Jokes - Divorce Jokes
Mr. Schneider in Court.
Mr. Schneider stood up in court. "As God is my judge, I do not owe my ex-wife any money". Glaring down at him, the judge replied, "He's not. I am. You do."
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Divorced and Board
These two guys had each recently divorced and they swore they would never have anything to do with women again. They were best friends and they decided to move up to Alaska as far north as they could go and never look at a woman again. As soon as they arrived, they went into a trader's store and told the owner, "Give us enough supplies to last two men for one year." The trader got the gear together and on top of each one's supplies he laid a board with a hole in it with fur around the hole. Curiously, they asked, "What's that board for?". The trader said, "Well, where you're going there are no women and you might need this." They said "No way! We've sworn off women for life!" The trader said, "Well, take the boards with you and if you don't use them I'll refund your money next year". "Okay", they said and left.
Next year this guy came into the trader's store and said "Give me enough supplies to last one man for one year." The trader said, "Weren't you in here last year with a partner?". "Yeah", said the guy. "Where is he?", asked the trader. "I shot him", said the guy. "Why?", the owner asked quickly. "I caught him in bed with my board."
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Throw Yourself Into Work
When Joe's wife ran away with his car, his money and his best friend, he got so depressed that his doctor sent him to see a psychiatrist. Joe told the psychiatrist his troubles and said, "Life isn't worth living. I think I'm gonna top myself." "Don't be stupid, Joe," said the psychiatrist. "My wife ran off and left me too, yet I'm happy." "How?" asked Joe. "Easy," replied the quack. "I threw myself into my work. I totally submerged myself in my job and soon forgot her. By the way, Joe, what work do you do?" "I clean out septic tanks." Joe replied.
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