Beware of Spot

A man goes to pick up his date for the evening. She’s not ready, so he has to sit in the living room with her parents. He has a bad case of wind and needs to relieve some pressure . The family dog jumps up on the couch next to him. He decides that he can let out a little fart and if anyone notices they’ll think the dog did it. He farts, and the mother yells, “Spot, get down from there.” The man thinks, “Great, they think the dog did it.” He releases another fart, and the mother again yells for the dog to get down. This goes on for a couple more farts. Finally, the mother yells, “Dammit Spot, get down before that bastard craps on you.”

Christian Mingle

I finally broke down and joined Christian mingle today...
My username is comegetpsalm

The Rubdown

A hospital patient, recovering from minor surgery, was being given an alcohol rubdown by two of the hospital's more attractive nurses. While manipulating the man's body they noted that the word "tiny" was tattooed on the head of his penis.
Some months after the man's discharge, Mary, one of the nurses, told Joan, the other, that she had dated their former patient. "How could you go out with a man that had 'tiny' tattooed on his love stick?" exclaimed Joan.
"How could I indeed!" said Mary. "It said 'tiny' when it was soft, but when aroused, it spelled: 'Tiny's Delicatessen & Catering Service. We deliver at all times, twenty-four hours a day!!!'"