Happy Birthday Dear

My wife is wonderful!  It's my birthday and she just surprised me with a $250K life insurance policy and a two week trip to China. What a great gal!

Having A Baby Is Like

What a mother once told her teenage daughter about how it felt to have a baby: "It's kinda like trying to pass a watermelon through a keyhole."

Bad Thoughts

A couple were celebrating their 30th wedding anniversary at their home. Everyone was having a great time except for the wife who sat off in a corner with a tear in her eye. The family attorney came over to her and asked what was wrong. The wife told him, "Remember when we first got married and I told you that I couldn't stand him after about a month into the marriage? I really hated him at the time." "Yeah, I remember those trying times." replied the attorney. "I absolutely positively hated him. I even had bad thoughts of killing him, remember?" "Yes, I do." "But you kept telling me to get rid of those thoughts. You said that I would get up to thirty years for such a crime." "That was a long time ago though. Why are you so sad now?" "Because...I could have been a free woman by now!"