Smart Phone Trouble

My girlfriend texted me "helpmyspacebarbrokecanyoucomeoverandgivemeanalternative"
Anybody know what "ternative" means?

Admin Harris

The admin, Ms. Harris,  came in late for work the third day in a row.  The boss called her into his office and said, "Now look, Ms. Harris, I know we had a wild fling for a while, but that's over. I expect you to conduct yourself like any other employee around here."  The boss pressed on, " Who told you you could come and go as you please around here?" Ms. Harris simply smiled, lit up a cigarette, and while exhaling said, "My lawyer."

Soldier Revenge

A soldier serving in Afghanistan was annoyed and upset when his girl wrote breaking off their engagement and asking for her photograph back. He went out and collected from his friends all the unwanted photographs of women that he could find, bundled them all together and sent them back with a note saying, "I regret to inform you that I cannot remember which one is you -- please keep your photo and return the others."