Golden Bar

One night, a wife is up late waiting for her husband to come home. ''Where have you been?'' she asks him when he walks in the door. ''Oh honey, you wouldn't believe it. I went to this new bar called the Golden Bar. It had gold ashtrays, gold stools, gold cups, and even gold toilets,'' replies her husband, who is plainly drunk. The wife thinks once about it but then goes to bed. The next day she finds the Golden Bar's phone number and calls it up. ''Hello, is this the Golden Bar?'' she asks. ''Yes, this is, ma'am,'' replies the man on the other line. ''Yes, my husband told me about your bar and I was wondering if you would answer some questions. One, do you have golden ashtrays?'' ''Yes.'' ''Do you have golden stools?'' ''Yes.'' ''Do you have golden cups?'' ''Yes.'' ''Do you have golden toilets?'' There is a pause on the phone, then a couple seconds later she hears the man speak. ''Hey Jimmy,'' he calls into the bar, ''I think we found out who shit in your tuba!''

Honeymoon Surprise

A man and woman where on their honeymoon after a long and very happy courtship. On their honeymoon, they decide to take horses through the beautiful mountain passes of Europe. As the horses were crossing a small stream, the woman's horse mis-steps and jostles the man's wife. Once across the stream, the man dismounts, walks over to the horse, and stares into its eyes. Finally, he states, "That's one." The man remounts his horse and they continue their ride. A bit further down the path, the woman's horse stumbles when stepping over a fallen tree. The man dismounts, stares the horse in the eyes, and boldly states, "That's two!" He returns to his saddle and they move on. As the afternoon sun began to set, the woman's horse once again lost its footing on a mossy slope. The man dismounts, walks to his wife's horse and helps her out of the saddle. Moving to the front of the horse he stares it in the eyes and firmly says, "That's three," removes a pistol from his vest, and shots the horse dead. The woman, quite upset at seeing the beautiful horse killed, says to her husband, "That's terrible, why would you do such a thing!" The man stares at his wife and firmly says, "That's one!"

Bob on the 18th Hole

Bob stood over his tee short on the 18th hole for what seemed like forever. He'd waggle, look down, look up, but never start his back swing.  Finally David, his playing partner, asked, "Why on Earth are you taking so long to make this shot?"  "My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse and I want to make this shot a good one," said Bob.  "Good Lord," said David, "you haven't got a chance of hitting her from here."