Almost Impossible

A man is standing at a grave, staring at the head stone. A second man walks up and asks, "Is this someone you knew?" The first guy says, "Yes, it was my wife." The second guy says, "It must be hard to lose a wife." The first guys replies, "Yep, damn near impossible."

Men Resist Fatherhood

Q: Why do men resist becoming fathers?  
A: Because they aren't through yet being children.

Married Men Gain Weight

Q: Why do married men gain weight and bachelors don’t?
A: The bachelors go to the refrigerator, see nothing they want, then go to bed. Married guys go to bed, see nothing they want, then go to the refrigerator.