Your Name Is Missing

A man is having problems with his dick which certainly had seen better times...
He consults a doctor which, after a couple of tests, says, "Sorry, but you've overdone it the last 30 years, your dick is burned out; you won't be able to make love more than 30 times!" The man walks home (deeply depressed); his wife is already expecting him at the front door and asks him what the doctor said. He tells her what the doc told him.
She says: "Oh my god, only 30 times! We should not waste that; we should make a list!"
He replies, "Yes, I already made a list on the way home; sorry but your name is not on it!"

Old School Friend

I saw an old school friend today and he started bragging about his well paid job, his flashy expensive car and his enormous house. Then he took a photo out of his wallet, showed it to me and said, "That's my wife, isn't she beautiful?"
I looked it at and said, "If you think she's beautiful, you should see my wife." He said, "Why, is she a stunner?” I said, "No, she's a fucking optometrist!"

Poker Game

A regular Friday night poker game was still going strong well after midnight when one of the players returned from the bathroom with an urgent report. "Roger, listen," he told the host, "Walter's in the kitchen making love to your wife." "OK, that's it, guys," Roger said. "This is positively the last deal."