Soybeans

While going through his wife's dresser drawers, a farmer discovered three soybeans and an envelope containing $30 in cash. The farmer confronted his wife, and when asked about the curious items, she confessed: "Over the years, I haven't been completely faithful to you. When I did fool around, I put a soybean in the drawer to remind myself of my indiscretion," she explained. The farmer admitted that he had not always been faithful either, and therefore, was inclined to forgive and forget a few moments of weakness in his wife. "I'm curious though," he said, "Where did the thirty dollars come from?" "Oh that, " his wife replied, "Well, when soybeans hit ten dollars a bushel, I sold out!"

Sharing The Remote

You might be a redneck if an intimate evening at home consists of sharing the remote.

Abe Lincoln

An older man wearing a stovepipe hat, a waistcoat and a phony beard sat down at a bar and ordered a drink. As the bartender set it down, he asked, "Going to a party?" "Yeah," the man answered, "I'm supposed to come dressed as my love life." "But you look like Abe Lincoln," protested the barkeep. "That's right. My last four scores were seven years ago."