Political Dating

My girlfriend dumped me because she didn’t agree with my politics.
I’m right and she left.

Put It Back

A woman said to her friend, "I don't know what to do. My husband is such a mess maker that you can't imagine. He doesn't put anything in its place, I am always going around the house organizing things." The friend says, "Take a tip from me. The first week after we were married I told my husband firmly, 'Every glass and plate that you take, wash when you are done and put back in its place.'"  The first woman asked, "Did it help?" Her friend said, "I don't know. I haven't seen him since."

Meet the Parents

On the way to meeting her parents... Girlfriend: 'Please don't let my dad know that we have sex. He's scared that I might get pregnant.'
At the door... Girlfriend's Dad : So, are you coming inside? Me: [pretty much flustered] No sir, I would never...