A Lasting Marriage

With Pete soon to celebrate his 50th wedding anniversary at the church's marriage marathon, the minister asked him to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he managed to maintain his marriage with the same woman all these years. The husband replied to the audience, "Well, I treated her with respect, spent money on her, but mostly I took her traveling on special occasions." The minister inquired "Trips to where?" "For our 25th anniversary, I took her to Beijing, China." The minister then said, "What a terrific example you are to all husbands, Pete. Please tell the audience what you're going to do for your wife on your 50th anniversary?" Pete smirked and says, "I'm going to go get her."

Keep It Together

I know a husband and wife who have separate bedrooms, drive different cars, take separate vacations, work different shifts, have their own computers, and even have their own ISPs, separate e-mail addresses and Home Pages. They say they're doing everything they can to keep their marriage together.

Blow Job Etiquette

• First and foremost, we are not obligated to do it - so if you get one, be grateful.
• I don't care WHAT they did in the porn video you saw, it is not standard practice to come on someone's face. And no, I DON'T have to swallow.
• My ears are NOT handles.
• Do not push on the top of my head. Last I heard, deep throat had been done. And additionally,  do you really WANT puke on your dick?
• I don't care HOW relaxed you get, it is NEVER OK to fart.
• Having my period does not mean that it's "hummer week" . Get it through your head; I'm bloated and I feel like shit so no, I don't feel particularly obligated to blow you just because YOU can't have sex right now.
• "Blue Balls" might have worked on high school girls, but if you're that desperate, go jerk off and leave me alone with my Midol.
• If I have to pause to remove a pubic hair from my teeth, don't tell me I've just "wrecked it" for you.
• Leaving me in bed while you go play video games, smoke a cigarette, watch tv, etc. immediately afterwards is highly inadvisable if you would like my behavior to be repeated in the future.
• If you like how we do it, it's probably best not to speculate about the origins of our talent. Just enjoy the moment and be happy that we're good at it. 
• No, it doesn't particularly taste good. And I don't care about the protein content.
• No, I will NOT do it while you watch TV, smoke a cigarette, drink,etc.
• When you hear your friends complain about how they don't get blow jobs often enough, keep your mouth shut. It is inappropriate to either sympathize or brag.
• Just because it's "awake" when you get up does not mean I have to "kiss it good morning".