Blind Animals

There's a blind rabbit and a blind snake that are friends. One day, the blind rabbit tells the blind snake that he doesn't know what he is, because he can't see. The blind snake takes ahold of the rabbit and says, "Well, you have long fur covered ears and a short little tail. You must be a rabbit." The rabbit was happy to know what he was. He tells the blind snake, "Come here and I will try to determine what you are." The blind rabbit feels the snake and finally says, "You're cold and slimy and don't have any balls. You must be a lawyer."

Paddy the Drunkard

Paddy was an incurable drunkard. The priest met him one day, and gave him a strong lecture about drink. He said, "If you continue drinking as you do, you'll gradually get smaller and smaller, and eventually you'll turn into a mouse." This frightened the life out of Paddy. He went home that night, and said to his wife, "Bridget....if you should notice me getting smaller and smaller, will ye kill that blasted cat?"

How Dogs and Women are Alike

• Both look stupid in hats.
• Both can eat 5 pounds of chocolate in one sitting.
• Both tend to have "hip" problems.
• Neither understand football.
• Both are good at pretending that they're listening to every word you say.
• Neither believe that silence is golden.
• Both constantly want back rubs.
• Neither can balance a checkbook.
• You can never tell what either of them is thinking.
• Both put too much value on kissing.
  
  How women are better than dogs:
  
• It is socially acceptable to have sexual relations with a woman.
• Women look good in sweaters.