New Presidential Parrot

One day while at the White House, the maid was cleaning the Oval Office's bird cage -- but, while she was doing it, the parrot flew out the window. The maid was scared that President Clinton would find out and she would be fired. So she went to the pet store and asked the clerk if they had any parrots similar to the one she had lost. The clerk said yes, they had one that looked just like it, but the bird had been in a whorehouse for three years. The maid figured it was better than nothing and bought it. When she took it back to the White House she put the parrot back in the cage like nothing happened. Later that day, Hillary came in and the parrot said "Too old, too old" -- the First Lady was a bit peeved, but thought nothing of it. A little bit after that Chelsea came in and the parrot said, "Too young, too young." A couple hours later, President Clinton came into the room and the bird chirped enthusiastically, "Hi Bill! Hi Bill!"

Lewinsky's Dress

Q:  Did you hear what the FBI just found in Monica Lewinsky's dress?
A: A wad of Bill's.

Ice Cream

A friend told me about his trip out with his grandson. This is what he said. "Last week, I took my grandchildren to a restaurant. My 6 year-old grandson asked if he could say grace."  As we bowed our heads he said, "God is good, God is great. Thank you for the food and I would thank you even more if Grandpa gets us ice cream for dessert. And liberty, peace & justice for all. Amen!"
Along with the laughter and nodding of heads from the other customers nearby, I heard a woman at the next table remark, "That's what's wrong with this country. Kids today don't even know how to pray. Asking God for ice cream!  Why -- I never!
Hearing this, my grandson burst into tears & asked me, "Did I do it wrong Grandpa? Is God mad at me?After I assured him that he had done a terrific job & that God was certainly not mad at him, an elderly gentleman approached the table. He winked at my grandson & said, "I happen to know that God thought that was a great prayer." "Really?" my grandson asked. "Cross my heart," the man replied. Then, in a theatrical whisper, he added (indicating the woman whose remark had started this whole thing), "Too bad she never asks God for ice cream. A little ice cream is sometimes good for the soul."
Naturally, I bought my grandchildren ice cream at the end of the meal. My grandson stared at his ice cream for a moment, & then he did something I will remember the rest of my life. He picked up his sundae and, without a word, walked over & placed it in front of the woman.
With a big smile he looked her in the eye and told her, "Here ma'am, this is for you, you grouchy old bitch. You must be a Democrat, Shove it up your ass and cool off!"
Kinda brings a tear to your eye, doesn't it!