Democrats versus Republicans

1. Democrats buy most of the books that have been banned somewhere. Republicans form censorship committees and read them as a group.
2. Republicans consume three-fourths of all the rutabaga produced in this country. The remainder is thrown out.
3. Republicans usually wear hats and always clean their paint brushes.
4. Democrats give their worn-out clothes to those less fortunate. Republicans wear theirs.
5. Republicans employ exterminators. Democrats step on the bugs.
6. Democrats name their children after currently-popular sports figures, politicians, and entertainers. Republican children are named after their parents or grandparents, according to where the money is.
7. Democrats keep trying to cut down on smoking but are not successful. Neither are Republicans.
8. Republicans tend to keep their shades drawn, although there is seldom any reason why they should. Democrats ought to, but don't.
9. Republicans study the financial pages of the newspaper. Democrats put them in the bottom of the bird cage. 
10. Most of the stuff alongside the road has been thrown out of car windows by Democrats.
11. Republicans raise dahlias, Dalmatians, and eyebrows. Democrats raise Airedales, kids, and taxes.
12. Democrats eat the fish they catch. Republicans hang them on the wall.
13. Republican boys date Democratic girls. They plan to marry Republican girls, but feel that they're entitled to a little fun first.
14. Democrats make plans and then do something else. Republicans follow the plans their grandfathers made.
15. Republicans sleep in twin beds-- some even in separate rooms. That is why there are more Democrats. 

Washington Bar

A black guy, an illegal alien, a Muslim, and a communist walk into a bar. The bartender asks,"What can I get you , Mr. President ?

Democrats on the Front Porch

This little old lady calls 911. When the operator answers she yells, "Help, send the police to my house right away! There's a damn Democrat on my front porch and he's playing with himself."
"What?" the operator exclaimed.
"I said there is a damn Democrat on my front porch playing with himself and he's weird; I don't know him and I'm afraid! Please send the police!" the little old lady repeated.
"Well, now, how do you know he's a Democrat?"
"Because, you damn fool, if it was a Republican, he'd be screwing somebody!"