Ice Cream

A friend told me about his trip out with his grandson. This is what he said. "Last week, I took my grandchildren to a restaurant. My 6 year-old grandson asked if he could say grace."  As we bowed our heads he said, "God is good, God is great. Thank you for the food and I would thank you even more if Grandpa gets us ice cream for dessert. And liberty, peace & justice for all. Amen!"
Along with the laughter and nodding of heads from the other customers nearby, I heard a woman at the next table remark, "That's what's wrong with this country. Kids today don't even know how to pray. Asking God for ice cream!  Why -- I never!
Hearing this, my grandson burst into tears & asked me, "Did I do it wrong Grandpa? Is God mad at me?After I assured him that he had done a terrific job & that God was certainly not mad at him, an elderly gentleman approached the table. He winked at my grandson & said, "I happen to know that God thought that was a great prayer." "Really?" my grandson asked. "Cross my heart," the man replied. Then, in a theatrical whisper, he added (indicating the woman whose remark had started this whole thing), "Too bad she never asks God for ice cream. A little ice cream is sometimes good for the soul."
Naturally, I bought my grandchildren ice cream at the end of the meal. My grandson stared at his ice cream for a moment, & then he did something I will remember the rest of my life. He picked up his sundae and, without a word, walked over & placed it in front of the woman.
With a big smile he looked her in the eye and told her, "Here ma'am, this is for you, you grouchy old bitch. You must be a Democrat, Shove it up your ass and cool off!"
Kinda brings a tear to your eye, doesn't it!

Democrats versus Republicans

1. Democrats buy most of the books that have been banned somewhere. Republicans form censorship committees and read them as a group.
2. Republicans consume three-fourths of all the rutabaga produced in this country. The remainder is thrown out.
3. Republicans usually wear hats and always clean their paint brushes.
4. Democrats give their worn-out clothes to those less fortunate. Republicans wear theirs.
5. Republicans employ exterminators. Democrats step on the bugs.
6. Democrats name their children after currently-popular sports figures, politicians, and entertainers. Republican children are named after their parents or grandparents, according to where the money is.
7. Democrats keep trying to cut down on smoking but are not successful. Neither are Republicans.
8. Republicans tend to keep their shades drawn, although there is seldom any reason why they should. Democrats ought to, but don't.
9. Republicans study the financial pages of the newspaper. Democrats put them in the bottom of the bird cage. 
10. Most of the stuff alongside the road has been thrown out of car windows by Democrats.
11. Republicans raise dahlias, Dalmatians, and eyebrows. Democrats raise Airedales, kids, and taxes.
12. Democrats eat the fish they catch. Republicans hang them on the wall.
13. Republican boys date Democratic girls. They plan to marry Republican girls, but feel that they're entitled to a little fun first.
14. Democrats make plans and then do something else. Republicans follow the plans their grandfathers made.
15. Republicans sleep in twin beds-- some even in separate rooms. That is why there are more Democrats. 

Washington Bar

A black guy, an illegal alien, a Muslim, and a communist walk into a bar. The bartender asks,"What can I get you , Mr. President ?