Bill Clinton In Hell

Bill Clinton dies and goes to hell. Satan is giving him a VIP tour, showing him his options for spending eternity. They come to a room marked "Hitler." Inside is Eva Braun, torturing Adolf Hitler with red-hot irons. Every time Hitler tries to escape, Eva applies another iron. "I can't spend eternity like that," says Clinton. "Show me something else." Satan takes him to another room marked "Jack the Ripper." Inside are three mutilated prostitutes, stretching Jack on the rack. Every time Jack screams, the whores turn the wheel a little more. "I can't spend eternity like that, either," says Clinton. "Show me something better."  Satan takes Bill to the last door. Inside, Kenneth Starr is being held up to the wall with chains around his wrists. At his groin is Monica Lewinsky giving him oral sex. Bill smiles. "Yes!" he shouts, "that's for me." Satan smirks and says "Good choice, Mr. President." He looks down at Monica and says... "You can get up now, Honey. We've finally found your replacement!"

Bill To Monica...

Q: What did Bill Clinton say to Monica?
A: I told you to lick my erection, not wreck my election.

Saving Bill Clinton

One day there were these three boys walking down the street, all of a sudden they heard a yell: 'HELP! HELP!'  When the boys got to the noise they saw Bill Clinton in a lake drowning. The three boys saved him from drowning.  Bill Clinton asks the first boy how he could ever repay him. The boy said, 'I want a boat.' The second boy said 'I want a truck.' And the third boy said, 'I want three tombstones with our names  on them.'  Bill Clinton said, 'why is that son?' The little boy said, 'because when my Dad finds out that we saved you, he is going to kill us all!'