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Political Jokes
Brady for President
Q: Did you hear that Tom Brady is running for president?
A: His platform is lowering inflation.
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Restroom Wall Graffiti
You can learn a lot from reading the graffiti in a bathroom, library or other public area...
The best way to a man's heart is to saw his breast plate open.
Women's rest room, Champaign, Ill. If you voted for Clinton in the last election, you can't take a dump here - Your asshole is in Washington!
Men's rest room, Outback Steakhouse, Tacoma, Wash. Beauty is only a light switch away.
Perkins Library, Duke University, Durham, N.C. If life is a waste of time, and time is a waste of life, then let's all get wasted and have the time of our lives.
Armand's Pizza, Washington, D.C. Remember, it's not "How high are you?", it's "Hi, how are you?"
The Irish Times, Washington, D.C. Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
The Bayou, Baton Rouge, La. No matter how good she looks, some other guy is sick and tired of putting up with her crap.
Men's rest room, Linda's Bar and Grill, Chapel Hill, N.C. It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
Written in the dust on the back of a bus, Wickenburg, Ariz. A woman's rule of thumb: If it has tires or testicles, you're going to have trouble with it.
Women's rest room, Dick's Last Resort, Dallas, Tex. Watch out for gay limbo dancers..
Inside toilet stall door, men's rest room. Express Lane: Five beers or less.
Sign over one of the urinals, Ed Debevic's, Phoenix, Ariz. You're too good for him.
Sign over mirror in women's rest room, Ed Debevic's, Beverly Hills, CA. No wonder you always go home alone..
Sign over mirror in men's rest room, Ed Debevic's,Beverly Hills, CA. What are you looking up on the wall for? The joke is in your hands.
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Strange United States Laws
From the book "Loony Laws" by Robert Pelton.
Ottumwa, Iowa: "It is unlawful for any male person, within the corporate limits of the (city), to wink at any female person with whom he is unaquainted."
Los Angeles: you cannot bathe two babies in the same tub at the same time.
Zion, Ill.: it is illegal for anyone to give lighted cigars to dogs, cats, and other domesticated animals kept as pets.
Carmel, N.Y., a man can't go outside while wearing a jacket and pants that do not match.
Clawson, Mich., there is a law that makes it LEGAL for a farmer to sleep with his pigs, cows, horses, goats, and chickens.
Gary, Ind., persons are prohibited from attending a movie house or other theater and from riding a public streetcar within four hours of eating garlic.
Miami, it's illegal for men to be seen publicly in any kind of strapless gown.
St. Louis, MO: it's illegal to sit on the curb of any city street and drink beer from a bucket.
Detroit, MI: couples are banned from making love in an automobile unless the act takes place while the vehicle is parked on the couple's own property.
Hartford, Conn., you aren't allowed to cross a street while walking on your hands.
Michigan: a woman isn't allowed to cut her own hair without her husband's permission.
Baltimore, MD: it's illegal to throw bales of hay from a second-story window within the city limits. It's also illegal to take a lion to the movies.
Oxford, Ohio: it's illegal for a woman to strip off her clothing while standing in front of a man's picture.
Nicholas County, W. Va., no member of the clergy is allowed to tell jokes or humorous stories from the pulpit during a church service.
California: animals are banned from mating publicly within 1,500 feet of a tavern, school, or place of worship.
Pennsylvania: "any motorist driving along a country road at night must stop every mile and send up a rocket signal, wait 10 minutes for the road to be cleared of livestock, and continue."
Carrizozo, N.M., it's forbidden for a female to appear unshaven in public (includes legs and face).
Los Angeles: a man is legally entitled to beat his wife with a leather belt or strap, but the belt can't be wider than 2 inches, unless he has his wife's consent to beat her with a wider strap.
Kentucky: "No female shall appear in a bathing suit on any highway within this state unless she be escorted by at least two officers or unless she be armed with a club"
An amendment to the above legislation: "The provisions of this statute shall not apply to females weighing less than 90 pounds nor exceeding 200 pounds, nor shall it apply to female horses."
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