Love & Marriage Quotes

I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.- David Bissonette
A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.- Zsa Zsa Gabor
I'm an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house.- Zsa Zsa Gabor
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.- Sacha Guitry
Marriage is like a cage; one sees the birds outside desperate to get in, and those inside desperate to get out.- Montaigne
After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.-- Hemant Joshi
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.- Lana Turner
Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.- Mae West
"I was married by a judge...I should have asked for a jury."- George Burns
Unknown Author Quotes:
Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.
Marriage is bliss. Ignorance is bliss. Therefore ...Marriage is not a word; it is a sentence.
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
Marriages are made in heaven. But so is thunder and lightning.
Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage, the 'Y' becomes silent.
Do not marry a person that you know that you can live with; only marry someone that you cannot live without.
I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
Behind every successful man stands an amazed Mother-in-Law!
When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95 a minute.

If It Business Lines

• If it looks too good to be true, it is too good to be true.
• If it says "one size fits all," it doesn't fit anyone.
• If it weren't for the last minute, nothing would ever get done.
• If it works, don't fix it!
• If idiots could fly, this world would be an airport.
• If more than one person is responsible for a miscalculation, no one will be at fault.
• If Murphy's Law can go wrong, it will.
• If not controlled, work will flow to the competent man until he submerges.
• If on an actuarial basis there is a 50-50 chance that something will go wrong, it will actually go wrong nine times out of ten.
• If only one price can be obtained for a quotation, the price will be unreasonable.

New York Dogs

A Buddhist monk visits a hot-dog vendor in New York City and says, "Make me one with everything."