English Teacher

The first civilian on the shuttle was an English teacher...now she's history.

A Collection of Insults!

A brief synopsis... When you're at a loss for words but want to tell someone that he or she is stupid, remember some these quips from our collection.

• Traveling faster than light, but left his sneakers behind.
• Trips over cordless phones.
• Trying out for the javelin catching team.
• Tuning in shortwave with a TV antenna.
• Two bits shy of a dollar. Two chapters short of a novel. Two degrees off square.
• Two inches taller than spherical.
• Two saucers short of a tea-service.
• Two sheep short of a sweater.
• Two socks short of a pair.
• Two suits short of a full deck.
• Types 120 words a minute but her keyboard isn't plugged in.

Robert Schmidt

• I saw a want ad. Light housekeeping. They said, "Here, change this bulb". I said, "I'll need some friends".
• I moved into an all electric house. I forgot and left the porch light on all day. When I got home the front door wouldn't open.
• I got a garage door opener. It can't close. Just open.
• I went to a garage sale. "How much for the garage?" "It's not for sale."
• You know how it is when you go to be the subject of a psychology experiment, and nobody else shows up, and you think maybe that's part of the experiment? I'm like that all the time.
• You know how it is when you decide to lie and say the check is in the mail, and then you remember it really is? I'm like that all the time.
• I went over to the neighbor's and asked to borrow a cup of salt. "What are you making?" "A salt lick."
• There aren't enough days in the weekend.
• My friend Sally is a nudist. I went to her house. The closets have no doors. The walls are covered with see-through wallpaper. Sally plays strip poker. Whenever she loses, she has to put something on.