Filing Fine

Just been to the new taxidermist restaurant.
Stuffed now.

Marriage Quotes

• All marriages are happy--it's the living together afterward that causes all the problems.
• Did you hear about the scientist whose wife had twins? He baptized one and kept the other as a control.
• Disclaimer: Even my wife doesn't agree with everything I say, and she loves me dearly. My employers don't love me nearly as much as she does. Draw your own conclusions.
• It was very good of God to let Carlyle and Mrs Carlyle marry one another and so make only two people miserable instead of four, besides being very amusing.
• May you be blessed with a wife so healthy and strong, she can pull the plow when your horse drops dead.
• May you learn to perform miracles: earn a living and marry off your daughters.
• May your daughters marry men of substance: gypsies with two bears.
• Sign in a marriage counselor's window: "Out to lunch - Think it over."
• The gods gave man fire and he invented fire engines. They gave him love and he invented marriage.
• There is no realizable power that man cannot, in time, fashion the tools to attain, nor any power so secure that the naked ape will not abuse it. So it is written in the genetic cards - only physics and war hold him in check. And the wife who wants him home by five, of course. -- Encyclopaedia Apocryphia

Famous Uses of the F Word

• What the fuck was that? The Mayor of Hiroshima
• Look at all these fucking Indians. General Custer
• Full speed ahead and fuck the icebergs! Captain of the Titanic
• That's not a fucking real gun. John Lennon
• The fucking throttle's stuck. Donald Campbell
• Who's going to fucking know? President Nixon
• Heads are going to fucking roll. Henry VIII
• Watch him, he'll have some fucker's eye out. King Harold
• Scattered showers my fucking ass. Noah
• Where the fuck have you been? Stanley to Livingston
• Can you smell fucking gas? Captain of the Hindenburg
• Fuck you Brutus! Julius Caeser