Chemistry One - Liners

Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium and just couldn't put it down?
 
Q: What's the formula for water?
A: -H-two-O
 
Q: What's the formula for an ice cube?
A: -H-two-O-CUBED
 
Q: What do you get when you combine Al Gore with O2?
A: Oxymoron The best chemists would definitely not be pet owners. Their idea of a catalyst: 2 bags of cat litter 3 cans of cat food 1 can of flea powder 1 collar
 
Q: How do you get lean molecules?
A:Feed them titrations.
 
Q: And why does a white bear melt in water?
A: Because it's polar. Did you hear about the industrialist who had a huge chloroform spill at his factory? His business went insolvent.
 
Q: What's the most important thing to learn in chemistry?
A: Never lick the spoon. 

Ocean Fresh

People say the ocean's polluted. I've heard it's really tidey.

Blue Note

Was going to tell a joke about a smurf that's into autoerotic asphyxiation
But it's too blue.