Senior Citizen Treats

A tour bus driver has a bus full of senior citizens. As he's driving, the bus driver gets tapped on the shoulder by a little old lady. She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully eats. After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts. She repeats this gesture about five more times. When she is about to hand him another batch of peanuts, the bus driver asks the little old lady why she doesn't eat them. "We can't chew them because we've got no teeth," she says. So, the puzzled driver asks, "Why do you buy them then?" The little old lady replies, "We just love the chocolate around them!!"

Lower Sex Drive

A 96-year old man is pleading with the doctor for a lower sex drive. "Surely you're imagining things," says the doctor. "You're 96 years old. Isn't all the feeling for sex just in your head?" "Yes," replies the elderly man, "that's why I want you to lower my sex drive to the place where it might do more good."

Penguins are Different

Q: Why do penguins live in the Arctic?
A: Because they can't fly to Florida like the rest of the old birds.