How Older Guys Pick Up Chicks

I'm not the best looking guy.  Some would say I'm a little frayed around the edges these days. But, I have a nice motorcycle, a little money and I spend most of my time casually riding from place to place.  
I met a nice looking girl in the park the other evening. There was an instant spark between us.  She did this cute little dance then immediately dropped to her knees and lay on the grass at my feet.  
As we lay there making love, I thought, "Damn, these taser guns are really worth the money!"

Memory Class

An elderly couple had been experiencing declining memories, so they decided to take a power memory class where one is taught to remember things by association. A few days after the class, the old man was outside talking with his neighbor about how much the class helped him. "What was the name of the Instructor?" asked the neighbor. "Oh, ummmm, let's see," the old man pondered. "You know that flower, you know, the one that smells really nice but has those prickly thorns, what's that flower's name?" "A rose?" asked the neighbor. "Yes, that's it," replied the old man. He then turned toward his house and shouted, "Hey, Rose, what's the name of the Instructor we took the memory class from?"

The Height of Being Hard-Up

Q: Do you know what the height of being hard-up is?
A: Two old ladies in an asparagus patch doing knee bends!