Work & Office Jokes

Puppies Don't Surf The Web

Why Dogs don't surf the web...

  • Can't stick their heads out of Windows 2000.
  • Too difficult to "mark" every website they visit.
  • Can't help attacking the screen when they hear "You've Got Mail."
  • Fire hydrant icon simply frustrating.
  • Involuntary tail wagging is dead giveaway they're browsing www.pethouse.com instead of working.
  • Keep bruising noses trying to catch that MPEG frisbee.
  • Three words: Carpal Paw Syndrome
  • Cause dogs aren't GEEKS! Now, cats, on the other hand...
  • Barking in the next cubical keeps activating YOUR voice recognition software.
  • SmellU-SmellMe still in beta test.
  • SIT and STAY were hard enough, GREP and AWK are out of the question!
  • Saliva-coated mouse gets mighty difficult to maneuver.
  • Butt-sniffing is more direct and less deceiving than online chat rooms.

Copyright © 2013 - All Rights Reserved - Used with Permission.
Anonymous

Great Job

A guy came home to his wife and said to her, "Guess what? I've found a great job. A 10 AM start, 2 PM finish, no overtime, no weekends and it pays $600 a week!" "That's great," his wife said. "Yeah, I thought so too," he agreed. "You start on Monday."

Copyright © 2013 - All Rights Reserved - Used with Permission.
Anonymous

Work Quotes

  • The reason why worry kills more people than work is that more people worry than work. Robert Frost
  • The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What's the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you'd get a pulse. Dennis Miller
  • Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance? Edgar Bergen
  • Doing nothing is very hard to do... you never know when you're finished. Leslie Nielsen
  • The trouble with unemployment is that the minute you wake up in the morning you're on the job. Slappy White
  • I only go to work on days that don't end in a 'y'. Robert Paul
  • It's just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up. Muhammad Ali
  • A good rule of thumb is if you've made it to thirty-five and your job still requires you to wear a name tag, you've made a serious vocational error. Dennis Miller
  • I like work: it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours. Jerome K Jerome

Copyright © 2013 - All Rights Reserved - Used with Permission.
Anonymous
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