The System Crash Song

SYSTEM CRASH (to the tune of "The Monster Mash")

• I was working in the lab, late one night
• When my eyes beheld an eerie sight,
• Some smoke from our VAX began to rise
• And suddenly, to my surprise... [chorus]
• (There was a crash) There was a system crash (A mighty crash)
• I heard the disk heads smash
• (A system crash) It came down in a flash
• (There was a crash) A fatal system crash
• The lab manager then appeared from his room,
• Said: "I don't want to be a prophet of doom,
• But we had one like this just the other day
• Which blew up 4 megs and the SBA" ... [chorus]
• The system had just been booted, diagnostics had all run through,
• When a power fluck made it all run amuck, then SCOTTY and IRVING blew too
• So we'd lost all our VAXes in less than one night
• When a VP came in and said: "Hey, that's all right,
• I'll loan you a Venus - here's what to do
• When you call up Support, tell them Gordon sent you... [chorus]

Back From Vacation

Returning from her vacation, the young secretary was telling anyone who would listen about what a fun time she had. She then asked for two weeks leave in which to get married. "But you just had two weeks off," said the boss. "Why didn't you get married then?"
"What, and ruin my vacation?" she whined.

Business One Liners - There is No

• There is no job so simple that it cannot be done wrnog.
• There is no job so simple that it cannot be done wrrong.
• There is no limit to how bad things can get.
• There is no limit to the amount of good that people can accomplish, if they don't care who gets the credit.
• There is no problem a good miracle can't solve.
• There is no problem so large that it cannot be solved by the application of a correctly chosen thermonuclear device.
• There is no safety in numbers, or in anything else.
• There is no substitute for a genuine lack of preparation.
• There is no such thing as a "dirty capitalist", only a capitalist.
• There is no such thing as instant experience.
• There is no time like the present for postponing what you ought to be doing.