The One - Liner Results

• The more time you spend in reporting on what you are doing, the less time you have to do it in.
• Stability is achieved when you spend all your time doing nothing but reporting on the nothing you are doing.
• The more trivial your research, the more people will read it and agree. The more vital your research, the less people will understand it.
• The more you run over a cat, the flatter it gets.
• The most important item in an order will no longer be available.
• The most interesting results happen only once.
• The most savage controversies are those about matters as to which there is no good evidence either way.
• The nice thing about standards is that there are so many of them to choose from.
• The number of people watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.
• The obscure a bureaucrat may see eventually; the completely apparent takes forever. 

To Succeed Business Lines

• To get something done, a committee should consist of no more than three men, two of them absent.
• To know yourself is the ultimate form of aggression.
• To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
• To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.
• Too light for heavy work and too heavy for light work.
• Treat people as if they are what they ought to be, and you help them to become what they are capable of being.
• Trust everybody... then cut the cards.
• Try to be the best of whatever you are, even if what you are is no good.
• Try to get all of your posthumous medals in advance.
• Two heads are more numerous than one. 

New Cashier

Person 1: How is business going?
Person 2: I'm looking for a new cashier
Person 1: But you only had a new one last week
Person 2: Yes, that's the one I'm looking for!