Three Crooks at Confession

One time three very bad people felt guilty for the different crimes they committed and went to a church to ask God for forgiveness. There, they found a priest. So all three of them went to the priest. The first crook said, "Oh, Father! I have killed an innocent man and now I am feeling very guilty! Please ask God to forgive me!" The priest murmured a blessing and told the crook, "God has forgiven you my son, and now go and drink the water from the well of purity." The Father pointed toward a fountain with sparkling water. The first crook went and drank the water. "The water tastes weird," he said and went away. The second crook came to the priest and said, "Oh, Father! I have stolen a lot of money from many people and now I am feeling very guilty! Please ask God to forgive me!" The priest murmured a blessing and said, "God has forgiven you my son, and now go and drink the water from the well of purity." So the second crook went and drank the sparkling water in the fountain. "This water tastes funny," he said and went away. Now only the third crook remained. "What is it that you did wrong, my son?" the priest asked. With an uneasy look the last crook said, "I peed in the well."

Counterfeited German Currency

Q: What do you call counterfeited German currency?
A: Question marks.

Fulfilling Friend's Request

A dying man gives each of his best friends -- a lawyer, doctor and clergyman -- an envelope containing $25,000 in cash to be placed in his coffin. A week later the man dies and the friends each place an envelope in the coffin. Several months later, the clergyman confesses that he only put $10,000 in the envelope and sent the rest to a mission in South America. The doctor confesses that his envelope had only $8,000 because he donated to a medical charity. The lawyer is outraged, "I am the only one who kept my promise to our dying friend. I want you both to know that the envelope I placed in the coffin contained my own personal check for the entire $25,000."