Answering Machine - Tapeless

Hello, we are all currently home, but someone stole our phone, as well as the recording tape from this answering machine. So you can't reach us until we either find a phone or get a tape. If you had to waste a quarter on this call... Sorry. 

Midget Robbery

A man is standing at a urinal when he notices that he's being watched by a midget. The midget drags a small stepladder over, and climbs up to admire the man's private parts close up. "Wow," comments the midget, "those are the nicest balls I have ever seen!" Freaked out, but flattered, the man thanks the midget and starts to move away. "I know this is a strange request," says the little guy, "but would you mind if I touched them?" Again, the man is taken aback, but seeing no real harm in it, consents. The midget reaches out, gets a tight grip on the man's balls, and says loudly, "Okay, hand over your wallet or I'll jump."

Stockbroker at the I.R.S.

The stockbroker received notice from the IRS that he was being audited. He showed up at the appointed time and place with all his financial records, then sat for what seemed like hours as the accountant pored over them. Finally the IRS agent looked up and commented, "You must have been a tremendous fan of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle." "Why would you say that?" wondered the broker. "Because you've made more brilliant deductions on your last three returns than Sherlock Holmes made in his entire career."