Saving Obama

Three boys walk through the woods and suddenly hear cries for help. They follow the sound to the lake and see President Obama drowning. The boys jump into the water and drag him to shore. Obama asks the boys how he can repay them. The first boy says, "I want a boat." The second boy says, "I want a truck." The third boy says, "I want a nice tombstone." Obama asks, "Why is that?" The boy says, "Because when my dad finds out I helped save you, he's going to kill me."

My Daughter or a Million Dollars

Once there was a millionaire, who collected live alligators. He kept them in the pool in back of his mansion. The millionaire also had a beautiful daughter who was single. One day he decided to throw a huge party.  During the party he announced, "My dear guests,  I have a proposition to every man here. I will give one million dollars or my daughter to the man who can swim across this pool full of alligators and emerge alive!"
As soon as he finished his last word, there was the sound of a large splash!! There was one guy in the pool swimming with all he could and screaming out of fear. The crowd cheered him on as he kept stroking as though he was running for his life. Finally, he made it to the other side with only a torn shirt and some minor injuries.
The millionaire was impressed. He said, "My boy that was incredible! Fantastic! I didn't think it could be done!  I must keep my end of the bargain. Do you want my daughter or the one million dollars?" The guy said,  "Listen, I don't want your money, nor do I want your daughter. I want the person who pushed me in that water!"

Well Done

A man's house is on fire. No help is in sight so he takes matters into his own hands. He runs out of the house with his son and tells him to wait outside. Then he runs back in and gets is daughter and brings her outside. Then his wife. Then the dog. Then the cat. Then he goes back in "3 more times" without bringing out anybody or anything. So a bystander is curious and asks him, "Why do you keep going back into your burning house and not coming out with anything?" The man replies, "I'm turning over my mother in law."