Invitation

A man in Florida, in his 80s, calls his son in New York one November day. The father says to the son, "I hate to tell you, but we've got some troubles here in the house. Your mother and I can't stand each other anymore, and we're getting a divorce. I've had it! I want to live out the rest of my years in peace. I'm telling you now, so you and your sister shouldn't go into shock later when I move out." He hangs up, and the son immediately calls his sister in the Hamptons and tells her the news. The sister says, "I'll handle this." She calls Florida and says to her father, "Don't do ANYTHING till we get there! We?'ll be there Wednesday night." The father agrees, "All right." The old man hangs up the phone and hollers to his wife, "Okay, they're coming for Thanksgiving. Now, what are we going to tell them for Christmas?"

Deportation

I live in constant fear that Trump will deport my latina mother-in-law who lives at 1944 5th Street in a white house with a blue door.  She gets off work at 6PM.

Hooker Progress

Three generations of hookers were sitting around the brothel one day just talking about the business. The youngest one complained, "You know Mom and Grandma, now guys want a blow job and a fuck for $100! I don't think I can stay in business at those prices."Her Mom thinks for a while and says, "Well dear, in my day we would give a blow job and for only $25 and we considered ourselves lucky to get that!" Grandma looks at her daughter and her granddaughter and says, "The both of you don't know what tough times really are. Back during the depression we used to give blow jobs for free because we were just glad to get something warm in our stomachs!"