Texas Style

A Texas father announces to the bar that his wife has just gave birth to "a typical Texas" baby boy weighing 25 pounds. Congratulations resounded. Two weeks later, he returns to the bar. The bartender says, "Say, you're the father of the typical Texas baby that weighed 25 pounds at birth. How much does he weigh now?"
The proud father answers, "Seventeen pounds," The bartender is concerned: "What the hell happened? He already weighed 25 pounds at birth."
The Texas father takes a slow swig from his Lone Star beer, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans into the bartender and proudly says, "Had him circumcised."

Falling Down The Stairs

A man tells his wife, "Honey, your mom fell down the stairs 15 minutes ago." The wife yells at him, "Why are you just telling me now?" He said, "Because I couldn't stop laughing."

Expert on Parenting

The following is a true story written by an educational psychologist and her experience on a plane.
On a flight to Florida, I was preparing my notes for one of the parent - education seminars I conduct as an educational psychologist. The elderly woman sitting next to me explained that she was returning to Miami after having spent two weeks visiting her six children, 18 grandchildren and ten great-grandchildren in Boston. Then she inquired what I did for a living. I told her, fully expecting her to question me for free professional advice. Instead she sat back, picked up a magazine and said, "If there's anything you want to know, just ask me."