Is That a Record?

A woman meant to call a record store but dialed the wrong number and got a private home instead.
"Do you have 'Eyes of Blue' and 'A Love Supreme'?" she asked.
"Well, no," answered the puzzled homeowner. "But I have a wife and eleven children."
"Is that a record?" she inquired.
"I don't think so," replied the man, "but it's as close as I want to get."

Sass

Praying that my young daughters sass helps her lead a company someday and not a prison gang

Boy Born With a Head

A boy is born without a body, only a head. For his 18th birthday his father, takes him to a bar for a drink. The father orders his son a scotch and when the boy drinks it, an arm pops out of his head. He drinks another shot and another arm pops out. After the next shot a torso pops out. After more shots, suddenly, he has a whole body. The boy runs out of the bar and gets hit by a truck, killing him instantly. A drunkard in the corner looks at the father and says, "He should have quit while he was a head."