Every Time

A little girl was out with her Grandmother when they came across a couple of dogs mating on the sidewalk. "What are they doing, Grandma?" asked the little girl. The grandmother was embarrased, so she said, "The dog on top has hurt his paw, and the one underneath is carrying him to the doctor." They're just like people, aren't they Grandma?" said the little one. "How do you mean?" asked the Grandma. "Offer someone a helping hand," said the little girl, "and they fuck you everytime!"

Cremate Mother In Law

A person receives a telegram informing them about his mother-in-law's death. It also inquires him whether she should be buried or cremated. He replies, "Don't take chances. Burn the body and bury the ashes!"

That's Lazy

My son is so lazy he hates emptying the trash in the recycle bin on his computer.