Parental Dictionary

Parent's Dictionary of Meanings
Dumb Waiter: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.
Feedback: The inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots.
Full Name: What you call your child when you're mad at him.
Grandparents: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right.
Hearsay: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.
Independent: How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.
Ow: The first word spoken by children with older siblings.
Puddle: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.
Show Off: A child who is more talented than yours.
Sterilize: What you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it, and to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it and wiping it with saliva.
Top Bunk: Where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies.
Two-Minute Warning: When the baby's face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises.
Verbal: Able to whine in words.
Whodunit: None of the kids that live in your house

Mother-in-Laws

I used to not get on with my mother-in-law, but over the last few months I've developed quite an attachment for her. It goes over her head and a strap comes down under her chin to keep her mouth shut!

Gifts to Mom

Three sons left home and prospered in life. When getting back together they discussed their success and the great gifts they were able to buy their elderly mother. The first son said, "I sent mom a Mercedes." The second son said, "I bought mom a mansion." The third son smirked and said, "I've got you both BEAT! Remember how mom liked reading the Bible when we were young? And you know she can't see very well anymore?... Well, I sent her an AMAZING parrot that recites the ENTIRE Bible! It took elders in the church 12 years to teach this parrot. He's one of a kind!! Mom now just has to name the verse and BAM, the parrot recites it!" Soon after this meeting of the sons, mom sent out her thank you letters. "Andy, quot; she wrote, "the house you built is so big and even though I live in one room, I still have to clean the whole house." " John," she wrote, "I am too old to travel and spend most of my time at home, so I never use the Mercedes." "Mark," she wrote to her third son, "You are my favorite son. You have such good sense to know what your mother likes. The chicken was simply delicious!!"