Aged Mother

With the help of a fertility specialist, a 65 year old woman has a baby. All her relatives come to visit and meet the newest member of their family.
When they ask to see the baby, the 65 year old mother says, "Not yet." A little later they ask to see the baby again. Again the mother says, "Not yet."
Finally they say, "When can we see the baby!?"
And the mother says, "You'll have to wait until the baby cries." And they ask, "Why do we have to wait until the baby cries?"
The new mother says, "Because I forgot where I put it!"

Wise Lady

My grandma always told me "Never share needles"
She was very possessive when it came to knitting

Banana Truth

I told my daughter, "Did you know that humans eat more bananas than monkeys?" She rolled her eyes at me, but I continued. "It’s true!" "When was the last time you ate a monkey?!"