Sandwiches

A boy says to a girl, "So, sex at my place?"
"Yeah!"
"Okay, but I sleep in a bunk bed with my younger brother, and he thinks we're making sandwiches, so we have to have a code. Cheese means faster and tomato means harder, okay?"
Later on the girl is yelling, "Cheese cheese, tomato tomato!"
The younger brother says, "Stop making sandwiches! You're getting mayo all over my bed!"

Jewish Hanukkah Gifts

A Jewish guy's mother gives him two sweaters for Hanukkah. The next time he visits her, he makes sure to wear one. As he walks into the house, his mother frowns and asks, "What -- you didn't like the other one?"

Doing the Right Thing

"Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady."
"Well, you have done the right thing son."
"But mom, I was sitting on daddy's lap!"