Sandwiches

A boy says to a girl, "So, sex at my place?"
"Yeah!"
"Okay, but I sleep in a bunk bed with my younger brother, and he thinks we're making sandwiches, so we have to have a code. Cheese means faster and tomato means harder, okay?"
Later on the girl is yelling, "Cheese cheese, tomato tomato!"
The younger brother says, "Stop making sandwiches! You're getting mayo all over my bed!"

Doing the Right Thing

"Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady."
"Well, you have done the right thing son."
"But mom, I was sitting on daddy's lap!"

Mistakes

I told my dad that he should embrace his mistakes
He had tears in his eyes. Then he hugged my sister and me.