Satan Talk

Two boys walk home from Sunday school after hearing a powerful sermon on the devil. One boy says, "I'm really scared about all this Satan stuff." The other boy replies, "Don't worry. You know how Santa Claus turned out. It's probably just your dad again."

Sandwiches

A boy says to a girl, "So, sex at my place?"
"Yeah!"
"Okay, but I sleep in a bunk bed with my younger brother, and he thinks we're making sandwiches, so we have to have a code. Cheese means faster and tomato means harder, okay?"
Later on the girl is yelling, "Cheese cheese, tomato tomato!"
The younger brother says, "Stop making sandwiches! You're getting mayo all over my bed!"

Doing the Right Thing

"Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady."
"Well, you have done the right thing son."
"But mom, I was sitting on daddy's lap!"